Official FASH GAY SURVIVAL GUIDE of the day (sponsored by the word bitch)

     Where in the past gays were actors, dancers and other kinds of artists, today we have to deal with Paris Hilton imitators, internet exhibitionists and such. After having dealt with the famously known as the Attack Of The Ass just too many times (that is one), I’ve decided to do something, so I’m introducing the world’s first guide to know if a gay guy is worth your time, this is a present for the bitches (bottoms). So in today’s Official Fash Great Survival Guide I’m gonna talk about how to detect freaks and fakes in the gay world -sorry guys and dolls but I don’t know much about yours-. So here come what I like to call The 4 VIP Questions (i.e. Very Important for your Pussy), you have to ask these to the boy in the first date:

DON'T MISS IT!  ↓

1) Are you (or have you been) a porn actor?  

I'm telling you, these days all muscled guys are porn actors, it's nasty!

2) Do you have an internet profile where you show your parts?

Someone who values himself wouldn't do this, an ideal partner should be above this.

3) Are you into ciber-sex (also known as cam fun)? -only having tried it a couple of times is acceptable-.

Having tried something is natural, making it your lifestyle is simply not, I don't know how we got here but you don't have to be part of it.

4)Would you be able to listen to a Madonna’s hit without dancing or moving any body parts?

Real men don't know how to move! If you can dance like Nicole Scherzinger you can't fuck me.

    ☛ Notice that this minimums are my very own, I’m sure many of you would die to fuck a porn actor but I’ve based this thing in my personal preferences, and this leads me to another note: this guide is obviously for the bitches. For the good gentlemen is almost the same, just change the 4th question for this one:

4) Are you very hairy ( and do you do something about it)? -sorry honeys but bitches these days are no cool with own fur-,

and add this one:

5) How do you intend to grow up/ get old? -a respectable bitch has to have a life plan, it’s fun to play diva when you’re 18 but gloss lips in your 40s you NO do that please). So if you wanna be with your man forever let him know that he won’t be embarrassed when in the future  you two go to your kid’s school.     

 

    So if all the questions were happily answered by your date, then I’m sorry sista but he’s lying like a whore. So what can you do next? You gotta go to his apartment no matter what, find any excuse (only not that you have to winnie the pooh!) , and there you have to search for Spice Girls CDs, old barbies, lip shine, etc.     

    If nothing at all, don’t ring the bell just yet babe, if his apartment is straight clean, you gotta go to his friends. They won’t reveal his dirty little secrets but you will have enough with their frenemyfull comments, you just have to dig a bit, get them drunk if possible, and they will tell-all you about your boy’s drag tendencies.     

    By now, if you’re gay and are asking why is all this any important, it means you’re what we call a lesbian. That means a bitch who likes bitches, commonly associated to the term versatile, in you’re case you don’t have to deal with the famously known Attack Of The Ass because that is no bothering to you. This guide is not for you, is for the bitches liking the gentleman.     

    So here comes another note: if you’re not sure whether you’re a  bitch or a gentleman, it most likely means you’re a lesbian in all its glory. Even though, my advice is BE a gentleman. Work out, read about sports, and speak with your mouth full (well don’t go that way, you don’t wanna end up liking girls, eww). The world needs more men and less divas, so in your case, remember:  throw out all that pink clothes of your closet and get rid of all those Barbra Streisand albums. Instead, start to watch ESPN until you get blind, oh, and you’re not aloud to dance anymore, you only can if you are really bad at it. This way you will help the world be a better place.     

    Well I think the conclusion is: please don’t show your parts on the internet. It’s low and sad, you should love yourself more than that, and we all have seen that, that’s why God gave us porn, so don’t do it. Love yourself.

    Hope it was useful!!

PS: OK I KNOW YOU'RE NOT GONNA MAKE IT CAUSE YOU'RE A COWARD, OR BECAUSE YOU'RE SANE YOU KNOW, BUT PLEASE DO IT AND TELL ME HOW IT WENT, MAKE ME LAUGH! IMAGINE HOW FUNNY! 

WELL AT LEAST I GAVE YOU A GOOD ICE BREAKER FOR YOUR NEXT FIRST DATE.